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HOW DOES IT FEEL WHEN YOU ARE BLAMED FOR SOMETHING YOU DID NOT COMMIT?


SERIOUSLY!!!

WHAT THE FUCK!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!









































































why didn't i break my spine when i fall? when didn't i hit my head when i fall? all this won't be happening.

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It just cuts right into my heart.

Cuts so deep.

I am helpless for what she is doing to me.

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When you really put in effort to do things for your love, booking goes wrong, follow the right sets of instructions but everything goes hay wire.





She just take it as you never put in a single effort.
Instead of comforting you, ("is ok, don't worry, we will find it"), all you get is a black face and silent treatment.






Finally found the place, settled down and had dinner. She just can't wait to leave. Her eyes roam all over the place except me. Her attention is on her iphone and not me. Her tears keep rolling down from her eyes, giving the impression that I cause her to cry. Tweets send from her iphone telling the world that her valentine day is fuck up.







Did she even take into consideration how i feel? All my efforts to make my gf happy and feel special on that day, all went down the drain. All the anguish, the pressure she puts on me, the sadness, the cold treatment she giving me. Did she even think of how i feel? Did she even calm down and think properly? I doubt so. Just this setback, which attracted all the previous problems in her mind.





Now who the one suffering, well she will be saying her cuz she is holding on to all my nonsense for so long. Yes i agree. Am i putting in effort in the relationship? Yes, i putting 500% more than usual. Must she set her expectations high? Yes, our relationship is already 5 years plus. Did she ever think of even the simplest thing can be really good enough? I doubt so. She is expecting a lot from me. I know, there is a lot pressure on me always. I doing my best to do what ever i can to make her happy. No matter how much i do she ok with it. No encouragement from her. I don't think she even think of how i feel, what i am going through.






There are so many times, that i wish i can end my own life. Saving her from all this misery i am giving to her. But i can't. I love her too much, she means everything to me. I cant bear to leave her. I never one to leave her either. Promises and actions have been carried out, sometimes she is still not happy with it. What can i do? I can just die right? I do not have the courage to do so. Should i just jump down? Silt my throat and bleed to death? or just drive my car straight off the highway? I don't know how long can i last, I am sorry for what happen on v day. Just put all the blame on me, nothing but me, booking screwed up by people also me. All me. Apologize and wanna set things right yet another cold treatment. How long will this last? Have you ever think about how i feel? I know everything have to be you, nothing be you. I am a human too.
I am sorry.












if i could turn back time, i would make you the most happiest and blissful girl in the world.

down

when the sky is falling down, who will lift it up for me?

Screw up!

I am really sorry baby. I know we got back after being through such a tough time. I know i cant be like him. Do you in my heart how does it feels, when i am being compared to him this and that? It simply sucks and it makes me useless, really useless! I am not blaming you baby. BUT ONLY MYSELF. I know we love each other. I really love you with everything i had. But i know you just cant feel how i love you. I really put my heart out in loving you, not just words but actions and everything. I know i really screwed up these few days, but being back with you it pull me back together slowly. I really put in effort in proving to you even till this very day baby. It's not that i am back with you i stop what i am supposed to do. I trying my best in everything i do for you baby. You are really my priority. Please dont ever compare me and him already. I admit i lose, but i am trying my best to be your dream guy. Your reply and everything just cut open the wounds again. I didnt know that you wished for that. I am really guilty and sorry baby for treating you like that these few days. But please note that i am really sorry and i really putting a lot a lot of effort in loving you. It is really not about putting up a front for you to see, it is really from my heart baby. I am sorry for hurting you baby. PLEASE FORGIVE ME? I am really scare baby. SORRY BABY!! I should know have sold the phone off. I really dont know what am i doing baby. At that time, i really mentally and physically breakdown. I seriously dont know why i sold the phone off when it is really dearest to me. It isnt just a phone it holds a value. A value that money cant pay off. I am really sorry baby, i should not have done that. I am really feeling very very very guilty and scare and worried. I am not thinking well that time baby. I am really sorry baby.

Day 63

Last day to say goodbye to everything for two weeks. My bed, bolster and pillow, the food, my mum, my friends and last of all, SHE. I have nothing to say much, just that i am truly sorry for what i have done to her last time. It is not about cheating on her. It is my temper. I am too selfish, too self-centered. She really did a lot of things for me. Even till this very day, she isnt any ordinary girl. She is willing to sacrifice what ever she had for the person she loved. I going to do that for her. I cannot let her go, it is really my loss. I swear i going to love her with all my heart, all my life. I am not going to be the ass hole i used to be. I want her to feel love, to be loved. I want her to feel what she gives. She is the queen of my heart. It really breaks my heart that i had such little time with her before i enlisted. I am really touched that she is willing to spend time with me and happy to be with me. I going to sacrifice what ever i had to be with her. I want her to be the most happiest girl in the world. She really rock my world. She simply blows my mind off. Who will she choose? Haii. That is going to be one question? Will she trust me wholeheartedly and fall in love with me again? That is the second valuable lesson to be learnt in my life. Without the breakup, i will never know how sucky i am, how sucky i am treating her. Now regrets, despair, agony and aches are always haunting me, reminding how bad i am before. I have to strive hardly to prove to her that i am no longer who i am before. Words cannot replace the actions, i hope i have lots of time to prove to her. I want her to feel what she want to feel. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING! I SWEAR I NEVER LOVE YOU THIS MUCH. YOU MAKE ME REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU. YOU MAKE ME MAN. I HAVE DONE A LOT OF THINKING. I HAVE LOST SOMEONE IMPORTANT IN MY LIFE AND THAT IS YOU. I WILL GO ALL OUT JUST TO GET YOU BACK. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. YOU MAKE ME WHO I AM TODAY! LETS US FALL IN LOVE AGAIN, MY LOVE!
















Beneath anger there is hurt.
Beneath hurt there is love.
That quote is from the movie, funny people. I guess i have too much anger in me since young, being hurt since young that i dont know how to express my love. I am very sorry, Sheryl. I pray for a chance every single day just to be with you again. Every tears i shed is from my heart, thinking about all the mistakes, everything i that hurt you. Let me hold you in my arms again, let me embrace you with love, let me into your heart and you into my heart. Let us reconnect the love again. Let us be stronger than before, let us put away the past slowly and move on to a better beginning which leads to a promising future. Let us see each other till our age. I love you.

Day 62

2 more days to more sufferings. I cant prove to her how much i changed already. Haii. I am such a total failure. Haii. Why does all good things must come to an end? I want her to back in my heart before ns seems to be impossible at all. I guess going in ns seems to be a very big disadvantage to me. My heart feels extremely uneasy. How am i going know what is happening in the outside world? I am going to lose out a lot. My heart beats for her. How am i going to manage all this stress? My heart is really aching like there isnt a next day. How i wish she is able to walk me through this tough shit like she promise me last time? I am afraid that i cant even manage myself inside. She is always on my mind! How can i stop worrying about her? I love her and i need her! I need to motivate me like before. I really cannot survive the 2 weeks without her. I am really a failure.










Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost

Day 61

It been so long that i really had lots of fun with her. Went night safari but lucky the weather clear up and managed to continue with our fun. I finally told her the darkest secrets that was locked in my heart for a long time. Which i didnt have the courage to tell her, I am really sorry that i hid it away from her. I am afraid of the outcome if i told her last time. It was hard to sleep as i dont dare to sleep. I wish i could hold her in my arms and sleep throughout the night. Her clothes, blanket, bolster and her smell are there to perform a serenade, which put me to sleep after a while. That was one of best night, i slept peacefully although i still cried myself to sleep. I swear i never love her this much compare to before, i only realize it when it is too late. Why am i just a failure? Haii. There are many times i almost burst to tears because i really miss the times when we are together, miss the times when i am at her house, miss the times when i can hold her in my arms and hug her, miss the times i had her. Do you know how the feeling of happiness and blissfulness? Well, it's like waking up from your sleep, seeing your loved one lying on the bed sleeping peacefully. I get to see her in the most peaceful, innocent and vulnerable state. If only i can get cozy with her, hold her in my arms and kiss her on her cheeks. But this would be good enough for me already, at least i feel blissful for now. I want her back badly, I am scare things turn out the other way. Haii. What am i going to do when things go the other way? What am i going to do? My heart is full of holes already, is too painful for me manage all this pain any more. I am scare to end my life but if things go the other way i have no choice but to end it. Thank you for the memory, I wish there are more to add to our lovely memories. Really appreciate it. I love you. I really cannot imagine the days without you! You said if we are able to last eight years till we get married, i am sure we will. If we get back together, i swear our love is stronger and better than before. It will never be the same as before. It is really empty and cold without you here. My mind and body is really failing me, only she can really pull me back up to who i am before. Will i faint again? What happen that night i simply black out for a short moment? What is happening? Will it happen again? Haii. I dont know what is happening. I learnt my mistakes, i am afraid of my mistakes. I dont want to make that mistake again. Please come back to me soon. My heart longs for you. The road to redemption is never easy.

Day 60

I am just like a man without a soul. She is the one i living for. Who does she think of more, who does she misses more? Will the fortune reading turn out similar? Will she believes the words of the fortune teller? Am i able to change the fact if she believes the words of the fortune teller? I am able to, will she believe me? I dont know seriously. I dont know, I am afraid to know. The truth is really ugly, and the world is never fair.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZXHYItXWqE&feature=fvst

Lifehouse - Broken

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
And I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
And I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there's the healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I would, would be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (In the pain) there is healing
In your name (In your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin)
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on, (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I want to hold on to you forever and never let go. I hanging on another day just for you. In a broken heart, there is healing only when you are back to me. In your name i find meaning. A new meaning to love you more deeply than before. Stop leaving me stranded in the ocean, bring back to your heart.

說好的幸福呢?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihexicQ0v-c&NR=1

周杰倫 - 說好的幸福呢

妳的回話凌亂著 在這個時刻
我想起噴泉旁的白鴿 甜蜜散落了

情緒莫名的拉扯 我還愛妳呢
而妳斷斷續續唱著歌 假裝沒事了

時間過了 走了 愛情面臨選擇 妳冷了 倦了 我哭了
離開時的不快樂 妳用卡片手寫著 有些愛只給到這 真的痛了

怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了
開心與不開心一一細數著 妳再不捨
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻 我都還記得

妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢

妳的回話凌亂著 在這個時刻
我想起噴泉旁的白鴿 甜蜜散落了

情緒莫名的拉扯 我還愛妳呢
而妳斷斷續續唱著歌 假裝沒事了

時間過了 走了 愛情面臨選擇 妳冷了 倦了 我哭了
離開時的不快樂 妳用卡片手寫著 有些愛只給到這 真的痛了

怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了
開心與不開心一一細數著 妳再不捨
那些愛過的感覺都太深刻 我都還記得

妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢

怎麼了 妳累了 說好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不說了 愛淡了 夢遠了我都還記得

妳不等了 說好的 幸福呢
我錯了 淚乾了 放手了 後悔了
只是回憶的音樂盒還旋轉著 要怎麼停呢



I have full of regrets and totally sick of being like this. Let us fall in love again. I cannot face any more setbacks already. Haii. She needs to talk to him, she still thinks of me. Will she take my ns as a factor to think. Haii. What if she dont want to suffer the feeling of waiting for me. Haii. I dont know what to do already. Haii. Time is running out and i cant do much. Haii. I have nothing much to say to her already. I am still madly in love you, i am sorry for being such a jerk and all. Now i dont have a choice but to change my temper, I dont know to remember this pain anymore. I dont want to remember the torturous moment i went through because of my temper. I am sorry, i just want to hold you in my arms forever. Let us start all over again, forget all the negative. No matter which girls have interest in me or what, they dont stand any chances at all. You gave me a wifey feeling when we got back together the second time. If i never ever get you back again, i am not going into a relationship anymore. I will be like the mike in the ugly truth, or a monk forever. I am serious, because another half of me is gone. Which is you, my soul mate. I mean it. I dont have a heart to carry on my life already.