Day 61

It been so long that i really had lots of fun with her. Went night safari but lucky the weather clear up and managed to continue with our fun. I finally told her the darkest secrets that was locked in my heart for a long time. Which i didnt have the courage to tell her, I am really sorry that i hid it away from her. I am afraid of the outcome if i told her last time. It was hard to sleep as i dont dare to sleep. I wish i could hold her in my arms and sleep throughout the night. Her clothes, blanket, bolster and her smell are there to perform a serenade, which put me to sleep after a while. That was one of best night, i slept peacefully although i still cried myself to sleep. I swear i never love her this much compare to before, i only realize it when it is too late. Why am i just a failure? Haii. There are many times i almost burst to tears because i really miss the times when we are together, miss the times when i am at her house, miss the times when i can hold her in my arms and hug her, miss the times i had her. Do you know how the feeling of happiness and blissfulness? Well, it's like waking up from your sleep, seeing your loved one lying on the bed sleeping peacefully. I get to see her in the most peaceful, innocent and vulnerable state. If only i can get cozy with her, hold her in my arms and kiss her on her cheeks. But this would be good enough for me already, at least i feel blissful for now. I want her back badly, I am scare things turn out the other way. Haii. What am i going to do when things go the other way? What am i going to do? My heart is full of holes already, is too painful for me manage all this pain any more. I am scare to end my life but if things go the other way i have no choice but to end it. Thank you for the memory, I wish there are more to add to our lovely memories. Really appreciate it. I love you. I really cannot imagine the days without you! You said if we are able to last eight years till we get married, i am sure we will. If we get back together, i swear our love is stronger and better than before. It will never be the same as before. It is really empty and cold without you here. My mind and body is really failing me, only she can really pull me back up to who i am before. Will i faint again? What happen that night i simply black out for a short moment? What is happening? Will it happen again? Haii. I dont know what is happening. I learnt my mistakes, i am afraid of my mistakes. I dont want to make that mistake again. Please come back to me soon. My heart longs for you. The road to redemption is never easy.