Day 59

I cant sleep back any more! Everyday the same routine! Haii. How pathetic can i feel? No one knows man. This i cant that i cant. Why am i so restricted? She is not even with him, i cant even send her back? What? He will be downstairs stalking her? Haii. He can hogged her all day long, i cant even do anything at all. Seriously i dont know how to help myself any more. I can just stand there and suck thumb. I dont even have any time to be with her at all. I can go and cry and suck my own thumb already. Do i stand a chance? I myself dont even know. Giving up is really not an option for me. He this one can that one can. I cant even do anything. Haii. No time means no time, i dont know how to explain no time to her. Haii. So what he can complain to his mum about her, then what about me? For me, i am nothing? Everything i do is nothing? I am like a invisible man, doesnt even exist at all. I only exist at certain time. He can go out with her whole day, every day even when not together, what can i do? Watch and cry, i cant even do anything. I know is work and all. But haii. Forget it, i should be bless and happy with the little time that i have with her and not complain. Haii. Such a loser i am. I still thinking to die or to live another day? Who will understand how i feel? Who will understand how pathetic it is now? Who will understand the feeling when you on the verge of giving up your life and yet you are forcing yourself to live on for one more day? Who will understand what it is like to be in my situation? Who will understand the feeling when you have no time at all? What if i say i cant even last any longer? What if i say my body is really failing me slowly each day? What if i say i going to pull the plug soon? Who will believe me? Who will understand all this? WHO WILL UNDERSTAND MY FEELING FOR THE NEED OF THE HER? WHO WILL KNOW IF I HAVE CHANGED? WHO WILL KNOW?