Day 46

Yesterday would be our 32nd anniversary. Haii. We wont have any chance to celebrate all our anniversaries any more. She dont have much feeling for the guy at all. That guy wont let her go easily. She rather be loved than to love. What if i say i can do it? I think it is just useless now. Is this what she wants in her heart? All she wanted was love. But i think she just dont want to be hurt any more. We loved each other and we end up in this state. I am sorry for what i done before. I want to prove it to her but is kind of hard. It is equals to nothing. She say i had not found the right purpose in my life. What if i say i had found long ago and she is the one? I guess all this mean nothing to her. All our memories, all our love, everything is just gone like that. EVERYTHING IN HER HEART JUST VANISH IN A DAY? She mention that if we switch position and all. Will i be doing what she is doing now? My answer is yes. I will still remain in contact and all. But last time i know i did not because i didnt know what to do. I wont jump into relationship until my heart is clear. It is because a lot of courage is use to break up with the person i love and no matter what i still love her a lot. No matter what she did to me. Unless my head was hit by something hard and i lose all the memories in it. BUT WILL ALL THIS HELPS? All that are done are done, how can i turn back the time? Why i cant do anything now? WHY? Why am i so pathetic? When one thing starts to fail, everything just start failing together. I just hope for the worst now. I dont think i have much time now. What can i do now? I am not seeking for her pity or what now. I know i just dont have much time left in me.