Helplessly i stand

I guess today may the happiest day for me after we broke up. I get to see her and even watch dvd with her. But crap she is sick. Haii. I am only able to do this much. Haii. I cant do anything to change her mind. I know is my fault that caused her like that. I cause her to be in such a mess. I know i ruined the trust within ourselves. I blew it! I BLEW EVERYTHING!! I just hope she still feels the connection when we felt when we were together for the second time. I dont want all this to come to a waste. I knew she is my soul mate i swear. I know my actions doesnt prove to her that i love her and all. Time after time she requires me to prove the love that she needs, i simply prove it the wrong way. I really love her a lot but it just that i dont know how to express it, no matter what now if i get her back i will showered her with love in all kind of ways. I really dont know how to put myself before her already. All i doing now is for her, there isnt anything that comes before her already. I dont know who i am already, maybe guilt and regrets make me realize that this is who i have to be for her. Nothing prove to be more important than her. I guess the truth is always ugly.