Day 56

He cant let her go easily then what about me? I DONT INTEND TO GIVE HER UP AT ALL. THERE ISNT A THOUGHT OF GIVING HER UP AT ALL. What have i been doing for 56 days? He told such a short while and switch into a different person, what about me? It took me the second year onwards to be such a shit to her. He got so many people helping me, what about me? There isnt anyone at all! I have to face everything myself! I lost all my pride and dignity just for her. I was even being mock by others. What is happening? If she breaks his heart what about mine? I seriously dont feel like living at all when she really broke up with me. I SWEAR. But i have not guts to end it, if only i can end my life with cotton wool. I am just passing through each day with her pulling me out of my agony. She didnt break my heart? Yes she did. It was broken to many pieces. I know we both broke each others. Haii. Thinking back we lasted so long till all the shit surfaces up. I know i make her hard to believe in me now. What if i say within this 56 days, i matured through all my deep thoughts and i am really regretful. What if i say i am no longer who i am 56 days ago, what if i say i seldom show my temper already, even to my mum or anyone else. Just plainly saying all this cant make her believe me, only when she is back to me she will know. BUT HOW AM I GOING TO DO THAT? What if i say she is my soul mate? I know i am too self centered to be one last time. I didnt treat her like how she deserved to. Haii. I NEED HER BACK LIKE NOW. THE ENERGY IN ME IS DRAINING AWAY EVERYDAY! I DONT CARE THAT NS WE DONT GET TO SEE EACH OTHER IF WE ARE TOGETHER, SHE WILL FEEL LOVED DEFINITELY! I AM NO LONGER WHO I AM BEFORE! I LIVED FOR HER ONLY! EVERYTHING NOW IS ABOUT HER, JUST HER, HER, HER AND HER ONLY! I DONT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT MY HEALTH, MY BODY, MY CONDITION. I CANT EVEN WORRY ABOUT MYSELF! SHE IS THE MAIN THING NOW! My love for her grows even more for her when she is gone. I keep myself busy. Time goes faster that way, but she is still in my mind! I go to sleep alone, and wake up alone. Maybe not alone, but with her in my heart. I take walks. I work until I'm tired. i watch the wind play with the trash on the ground. Everything seems simple until you think about it. Why is love intensified by absence? WHY? Can anyone explain it to me? I did things i never did before, thought of things which i never did before, loved her even more like i never did before, cared and worried way too much about her which i never did before, didnt even put myself before her like i did before? Why am i doing all this? What is causing me to do all this actions? The answer is I LOVE HER! Am i happy that she decides to be friends with him? A little bit of happiness is all i feel. I am still sad that i cant get her back, i meant everything wholeheartedly. Will she trust me? I dont know. Will we get back? That depends on fate and my hard work. NO MATTER HOW HARD IS IT TO GET HER BACK, I WILL PROVE TO HER SOME HOW! WHY DID I REALISE MY MISTAKES WHEN EVERYTHING IS GONE? WILL SHE KNOW HOW HURT AM I? WILL SHE KNOW HOW REGRETFUL I AM NOW? WILL SHE KNOW HOW BADLY I NEEDED HER BACK? WILL SHE KNOW HOW MUCH DO I LOVE HER NOW? WILL SHE KNOW I DO NOT HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT? HAII. WHY IS FATE TOYING WITH US NOW? WHY? PULL ME OUT OF THIS TORTUROUS PIT BABY! I LEARN MY MISTAKES. I WILL PAY YOU MY SOUL JUST FOR YOU TO GET ME OUT OF THIS MESS. PLEASE LET BOTH OF US GUIDE EACH OTHER OUT OF THIS MESS AND GO BACK TO WHO WE WERE BEFORE. I REALLY REALLY REALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I MEANT THE WORD REALLY. I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF NOW.

P.S. I LOVE YOU!