Day 15 of the day she left

Will she ask how am i? Will she ask me about the medical conditions? Will she ever care about me? I doubt she will. Her mind is corrupted by J and M. She will be enjoying with M today, she make a big sacrifice of her studies and meet M. When meeting me a short while seems impossible. Simply heartbreaking. What is happening here? What have J and M got into her mind? Why did she listen to them volunteeraily? Last time she use to tell me that J cant be trusted with secrets and all. And even told me that J told her that M bad mouth her and double face and all. Why did J backstab M that time and told her all this? Now why did J help M to get her? Isnt it contradiciting? What did J and M did to her? Why did she listen to them than those dearest to her? What did they do to poison her mind? They are just friends, made merely for one year plus and she listens to them? They even tried to make her stop contacting me. Why?? What is happening to her? Why is she blinded by their doings? Why is she deafen by everyone's advise? What is wrong with her? I know i cause her to be like this, i made things end up this way. What made her change her mind? She said she will never like guys with long hair. She said she will never like guys younger than her. After what M did to her, why is she listening to him? I seriously dont know why. Deep down in my heart, she cant possibly go back home late alone. She need not lie to me. I may not be aware of things going on, but i am not that stupid after all. As best friend, as someone she used to love, as a person who she knew for 10 over years, why she does not warn to listen to my advise. Is it hate that blinded you or their actions that blinded her? She did truly love me last time and she hang on for what ever the shit i did to her so long. So why cant she hang a little bit more longer? I know i did not look out for her sos call, i am not sensitive enough. I regretted that. I know the love from her to me became lesser and lesser, each time she tired to tell me about our problems i just ignored it. I do not want to dwell about it is because that I might make things worst. I chose to leave it there and to move on. I am sorry, i just not good in all this. All this are crucial and sensitive times, i dont want my temper to be the cause of more things. I know we still had quite a few number of quarrels after that. I took it all for granted. Till the resting period, we cant contact for one week. First day it was hard for me, the loss of her make me feel uneasy. Second day still cant contact, and she is not even online as i knew she would. I am worried and hence i asked her sister. Which then i knew she blocked me. BUT WHY?? Am i a nuisance?? If she think properly, she didnt block me will all this happen? It is just the relieved feeling when you see your loved one is fine. I just want to see if she is fine, she didnt had to resort to blocking me. So the msn conversation is the start of all this. I know what she did make me pissed off and what i said to her sister piss her off too. But i held back on confronting her, I rather bottled it up inside. Who knows she peeked at her sister conversation log when her sister is bathing and next moment was break up. The resting period really set me thinking a lot. I cool down and didnt blow everything out at her, i chose to keep it to myself. I know what i say make her explode. But why cant she understand that i am worried about her and it cause this to happen like that. WHY? Just the msn conversation is strong enough to end our relationship? Did she think through what we have been through? Was our relationship vulnerable at that point of time? Isnt true love supposed to overcome everything? She replied that ours isnt true love, as true love wouldnt allow ourselves to hurt our partner. But in every relationship there is always hurt, which then became love. Without being hurted, the partner wont feel the pain and the loss of the love of the other. That is exactly what i am feeling now. I know we both gave each other our all, i knew she would understand what i am saying. She meant everything to me. I really did love her from my heart, although my actions doesnt shows it. I know i sacrificed cheer for her after so long, but i did it for her. I pull the team down, i chose her over the team at such crucial time. I know is kind of late, but is better late than never. I really sacrifice all my time for you, but i was working and my shift planned all kind of crash here and there. I fell sick quite often too. I really want to treasure every moment with her, whenever i had off or what it would be all hers. But that point of time she is busy and all. I am really sorry for not sacrificing as much as she did for me. But think about it, would i had hanged on for so long if my feelings for you aint real? I really really want her for the rest of my life, have her by my side every single moment. Even till death do us apart, i still want to be with her. I know i should have done all this to her earlier. I am really remorse about not doing it earlier. I AM REALLY SORRY BUT BEING SO STUPID AND INSENSITIVE. I know the love to me from her had fade away slowly. But why did she change her heart so quickly? And blinded by the things happened before? Do both J and M know what we been through? Did they been in such situations before? Did they experienced this kind of love before? I doubt they did. What did they do to her that made her like this? Did she really think hard as my mum advise her to do so?? Did she? I know she did not, i know her too well. She tends to do things before thinking much. I am really really worried and concerned that they are using her. As someone who loved her a lot, I have to stand up and make her realise what is going on! She said she know what is she doing, but my heart knows she dont know. PLEASE MY BESTIE, MY BABY, PLEASE LISTEN TO MY ADVISE AND OTHERS' ADVISE. PLEASE THINK OVER AGAIN. Please think it through, think it hard with your heart at peace. Dont let them talk things into you already. YOU ARE PLEASING THEM BY DOING SO. I seriously very heartbroken that they talk things into her about stop contacting me! I dont know why they are doing this. I know i am being possessive over her now. But their actions and all prove to be even more possessive than me. Did they talk to her about giving up the fate, that both of us used to believe in so much? What is happening? FATE BROUGHT US TOGETHER TWICE! We are still fated to be together, but all their influences are just pulling us apart. No matter how hard i have to prove to her by all means i still love her a lot. And fate will bring us back again. Please think it hard.