Day 16

I know her love has faded after sometime after what i did. But did she think hard about the future we going to have before mentioning break up? I know i took the chances for granted and all. I learnt the lesson throught the hard way. Break up serves to be a wake up call for me, did she use break up as a way to wake me up from all this things? I dont know. Two and half years, the first break up and it was a major one. What happen? I know i screw things up, but did she think about all the things that make me learnt after break up. Is there really no love in her heart? The love is fading away but till such situation she has no love at all? How could that be? I also dont know if it is true anot. Did she knows that when a relationship gets into a long term relationship, we tend to get very very use to each other. That all our faults keep surfacing again and again. I know she been tolerant about my temper for very very long time, but i just screw up time after time. Why cant she tolerate just this very last, give a very last chance? This proves to be a very torturing lesson that i learnt, but did she think hard that will i risk geting her back and go through all this sufferings and tortures again? Why is there no love left? I know she pick herself up after what i did everytime. But is there really no love left? I believe there is but she is just sick and tired of all the things. Her heart is numb from all this. How can i make her feel the very very very little bit of love in her heart. I DEFINITELY BELIEVE THERE IS. But she just did not think hard about it. How can i bring all the things back to her heart? There is a little bit of love in her heart, but she just stand firm on her decision. How can there be no love? Someone please tell me that this is not true. What can make her think it all over again? Does she know that i am really suffering in despair each day? How can i find my laughter, my smile and the joys i used to have in me back? How to make her feel it? Can someone please teach me. She knows about the things that going on ydae but did she text me and ask how am i all those? Does she not want to know what is happening? Does she not want to know how is my condition? No. She is busy? Yes. Busy with studies. Busy celebrating M birthday. She had a great time yesterday. A simple text message send to her in the afternoon and she end up replying at eleven plus in the night. She would say she is busy, handphone in her bag, silent mode. BUT it is not true, we been together so long. I know her too well. Her handphone seldom put silent mode unless there is a very need to do it and no matter who text her or what. She would reply them asap, no matter how busy. Why is she giving me such treatment, when she promise things that she cant do it? I know we just broke up and all. But my existence in her heart is gone? All gone too? So many adivse from people, saying to give her time and tried to move on? It is not easy as it seems. The love for her this time is way too much. We been together twice after so long. There is a future for us. But is there much time left? How can i not be worried? She is blinded by M and all. What can i do now. Everthing we had is no longer there. How to force the little bit of love in her heart out? How to make her feel it? How to?? I am trying to care for her well being and all. But she is just pulling herself away and both of M and J, and her poly mates are doing the same too. Yes i know i done her wrong, but what her changed her mind towards M completely? Last time she confide in me that she dont like guys with long hair, younger than her, fat unfit and blah blah blah. What happen to her that changed her mind, after what M did? Does she knows the seriousness if M did those things he did before when they are in relationship is worst than what i did to her? Why is she really blinded? What can i do to make her think all over again? What can i do to make her feel it again? Why is fate taking such a long time to pull us back again? This is the hardest lesson learnt ever. As best friend as a person who love a lot, I need to prove it to her somehow. The love the care i must make her feel it somehow.