Day 17

I still dont know why she has no more love in her heart. Things are getting harder and harder each day. Did she know how much i regretted? Did she know how much pain i am going through right now? Everything i did each day, she is always on my mind. Everywhere i went is full of our memories. Her scent still lingers on my bed. Things we do at all the places are still fresh in my mind. No matter how much work i buried myself in, i still cant stop thinking about her. I cant stop thinking that there isnt any no love in her heart left. I cant stop worrying about her. I cant stop thinking about the things happening around her. Why did i finally wake up when she mention break up? Why? I keep blaming it all on myself, but why is it that she has no love in her heart already? What had happen to her? What did her poly mates and both J and M said to her? Why she listens to them so so so so much? Did they go through what we went through? Did they know all every single details of our life? I dont think so. Did she think about the future when break up? I guess so but did she think of getting back? NO. Because she dont think that i will change. After break up, all the setbacks and all. It really make me think through all the things i done wrong to her. The lesson learnt really really prove to be hard one. Each time i think of the faults, i cant stop thinking of the pain that i been through. Why cant she think about giving me a very last chance? Why she said there is no more love in her heart? What have they said to her that made her stand firm on her decision? Will she think about break up is really a wake up call to me? Why is all this happening? What have i done to make her to be in this state? Did she think hard about all the things? Does she still care about me? Will she ever notice when my existence is gone? The pain both physically and mentally is way too much to take it! Why is there no love in her heart already? I know love fades away and all. But is it true that there isnt any left?